Ask me anything   The wondrous writing-styles of Allison Keller.

twitter.com/allisondiane:

    So. You want to talk about the men of Gilmore Girls, eh?

    Someone over at Buzzfeed went through the trouble of making a "Definitive Ranking of the Men on Gilmore Girls.” Mazel tov and thank you! The world saw an emptiness where the wholeness was needed, and you made it whole! Although Gilmore Girls (affectionately known in my brain as GG) is notorious for having brilliant female characters, the men were and are equally as impressive throughout the series and are rarely given a well deserved second look. 

    Let me start by saying, there’s a lot of wonderfulness happening in this list - the least of which isn’t Jess and Luke reigning supreme in spots 1 and 2 respectively! Yes! You get it, Buzzfeeder. You get it. Although I may argue that Jess has robbed Luke of his rightful #1 spot - I mean, we open and close the entire series in his diner for god sake. Not to mention, Luke never gave Rory an arm fracture nor did he show up in her dorm room and ask her to run away with him (gag). However, their placement in the list is well deserved overall as essential assists to both Lorelei and Rory’s character arcs. Also, Marty and Zack both made it into the top ten, and I just couldn’t be more pleased.

    But this is where the bitching starts.

    How in the actual fuck did Logan weasel his way into the top ten? Ahead of KIRK!

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    Ugh, even his stupid face in a gif makes me hate him. 

    Look, I get that he was a huge part of the later seasons. And I get that Rory needed a Logan in her life at that point - something stupid but stable, someone to challenge her intellectually and to challenge the perfect box she saw her life fitting into. But here’s my main concern with Logan. It isn’t that he was a “bad” boy, or that he represented a time in the series when Rory went to the “dark side” (I mean she was already committing adultery before him, and I can only watch homegirl read an obscure Russian memoir for so many episodes - amiright?). My main bone to pick with Logan is the marriage proposal. His big sell was, “Come be my wife in San Francisco where you can sit under an avocado tree.” 

    Dude. Seriously?

    This is Rory Gilmore. Rory Gilmore. To borrow a phrase from Edward “Number 12” Hermann, “It’s Rory. What she tackles, she conquers. This girl could name the state capitals at 3, recite the periodic table at 4, discuss Schopenhauer’s influence on Nietzsche when she was 10. She’s read every book by every author with a Russian surname and had a 4.2 grade-point average at one of the toughest schools on the east coast.”

    What’s more, Logan’s idiot father makes the list. Mitchum! Even Emily hates Mitchum, and she’s basically the designated devil-figure from Pilot. You couldn’t have filled that spot with someone else? Maybe, the fucking town troubadour who sets the tone for the entire series and probably serves as Rory’s first male role model?

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    I’m just saying, Logan can eat a dick. And maybe I say that because his pallor and attitude remind me of every idiot in my High School whose grandparents “gifted” them a sports car to take up two spots in the student parking lot. But even then - fuck those guys. They can eye-roll in class discussion as much as they want when I try to explain to them that they too are feminists, but get the FUCK out my Gilmore Girls Top 30 lists. Get the FUCK out!

    — 4 days ago with 5 notes
    #gilmore girls  #rory gilmore  #luke danes  #jess mariano  #logan huntzberger  #troubadour 
    An “It” Girl for Every Era

    Often confused with the most talked about girl of the moment, or the most scandalous girl of the moment - the “It” girl is a woman grasping at the zeitgeist of a generation. She is effortless and cool like James Dean, while also remaining witty and accessible like a local politician. She has that thing, that thing - the intangible and desirable. She has that one look or posture that could make you forgive her of any shortcomings. She is absolutely original - so much so that there seems to be a representation of her in every era of pop culture!

    Clara Bow - The Original “It” Girl

    Starring in the Paramount Picture “It” (from back when they called movies “pictures”), Clara Bow is the first woman to whom other “It” girls were required to measure themselves against. As the opening credits state, “It” is "That quality possessed by some which draws all others with its magnetic force. With ‘It’ you win all men if you are a woman and all women if you are a man. ‘It’ can be a quality of the mind as well as a physical attraction." And so the bar is set. The 1927 classic is a must-see, especially for those with a pension for the way things “once were” and for those who can appreciate the look of a Roxie Hart haircut on twenty women in a row. “It” is a great old-timey flick to watch and reacquaint yourself with phrases such as “I’ll take the elastic out of your stocking yet,” and “Christmas, is he good looking.”

    Marilyn Monroe - The Tragic “It” Girl

    Ah, Norma Jean. You beautiful, beautiful, sad creature. How we still love to watch you pout into a camera and lay down a line like, “Champagne and chips - isn’t it just elegant!” with the gravity of Bambi on ‘ludes (too soon?). This is the woman who could walk down a New York City street without being noticed, until she turned on her it and turned into “her”, and could then garner a mob-like gathering that would put The Beatles to shame. In no other movie is her it-girl-ness more it than in the 1955 production of “The Seven Year Itch.” The script provides a venue for Monroe to seduce a married man in a way that she appears almost completely blameless. Because, who could blame Marilyn for being Marilyn?

    Audrey Hepburn - The Manic Pixie “It” Girl

    Sure, sure, sure - every girl you roomed with in college had an obligatory “Breakfast at Tiffany’s” poster of Audrey above their desk, and you want to vomit every time you see Audrey’s spine through her clothes in her movies. But just watch the spontaneous, schizophrenic, underground bar dance routine she lays out in “Funny Face.” Now tell me you aren’t completely in love.

    Claire Danes - The Grunge “It” Girl

    That hair! Those 90’s flannels! That “I’m just a teenager trying to act, stop asking me questions” vibe! And, just think how sad life would be if we couldn’t say “Jordan Catalano” over and over again? Jor-dan Cat-a-la-no, Jor-dan Cat-a-la-no, Jor-dan Cat-a-la-nooooo….

    Alexis Bleidel - The Nervous Nerdy “It” Girl

    Look, I’m not just saying this because I own all seven season’s of Gilmore Girls and have digested every episode at least four times - Alexis’ portrayal of Rory Gilmore changed the face of what it meant. It didn’t have to know what boys were before the age of fourteen, or what to do with them. It could go to Harvard! …Or Yale, or Princeton… It could be an anti-social bookworm who eventually interned for Senator Obama (!!) and is probably doing just fine. We’re all going to do just fine, aren’t we? Talk to me Rory - explain it to me in a pro/con list.

    — 1 week ago with 5 notes
    #clara bow  #marilyn monroe  #audrey hepburn  #alexis bleidel  #claire danes 

    *The vagina motif in Ted’s office

    — 1 week ago
    #madmen  #vaginas  #1969 
    slaughterhouse90210:

“Basically, I realized I was living in that awful stage of life between twenty-six to and thirty-seven known as stupidity. It’s when you don’t know anything, not even as much as you did when you were younger, and you don’t even have a philosophy about all the things you don’t know, the way you did when you were twenty or would again when you were thirty-eight.” ― Lorrie Moore, Anagrams

    slaughterhouse90210:

    “Basically, I realized I was living in that awful stage of life between twenty-six to and thirty-seven known as stupidity. It’s when you don’t know anything, not even as much as you did when you were younger, and you don’t even have a philosophy about all the things you don’t know, the way you did when you were twenty or would again when you were thirty-eight.”
    ― Lorrie Moore,
    Anagrams

    — 1 week ago with 998 notes
    WENUS WATCH!

    Summer is in full swing, and we all know what that means - your favorite celebs are out and about with their sexy selves! Get their look (HAHAHAH jk, you’ll never look like a celebrity! kill yourself!) with our latest list of the hottest wenuses.

    1. Miley Cyrus

    No list can start without a picture of the Queen of Controversy, Ms. Rae-Cyrus herself. Here she’s rockin’ the “wenus with a cigarettte” look. Oh, Miley - you know exactly how to make people love you enough that they raise you to god-like proportions only to turn around and publicly condemn you for the power they once bestowed upon you! Fun!

    2. Amy Adams

    Ms. Adams takes the class up a notch with this nighttime wenus look. She dresses up the wenus with a delightful silver number and accentuates her wenus curve with the classic “having an arm” trick! Feel free to take this look from night to morning-after with a casual cardigan and flats. Because nothing says “I’m not wearing a silver cocktail dress” like a cardigan and flats.

    3. Nicole Richie

    Oh, ho ho! Nicole plays a little peak-a-boo with her wenus on completely different days with completely different outfits. How fun! Lucky for us, we have a paparazzo trained on her person 24/7 so we were lucky to sort out these shots from an encyclopedic cumulation of great photos from her day-to-day. Thanks for being a good sport, Nic! We’ll leave the flipbook of your grocery trip from last Wednesday on your bed.

    4-7. Mommy & Me!

    Here to remind us that celebrity culture is a vicious cycle that will eventually be passed down to their unwilling spawn - celeb moms and their child wenuses! See how successfully these moms have lost their baby wenus fat - just like we legally require of them! Also - let’s all stare at these children and idolize them like a bunch of pedos, cool?

    8-9. Emma Stone and Andrew Garfield

    We love this - wenuses with a message. And when I say “we” I mean me and the feral cat that wandered into my window this morning. Here we have entertainment’s it couple giving the paparazzo the ol’ what-for with a well-rounded message of what they think we’re supposed to care about. Bravo! We couldn’t agree more! Now let’s move on to more pictures of the Teen Mom children.

    10. Fetus Wenus

    Because your wenus can never look too young.

    — 2 weeks ago with 1 note
    #wenus  #wenuswatch  #miley cyrus  #nicole richie  #amy adams  #kourtney kardashian  #katie holmes  #emma stone  #andrew garfield  #fetus  #satire 
    Movies To Cure Your Twenties

    If I take another Buzzfeed Quiz on “The 39.2 Ways 25-Year-Olds Feel All The Feels and Also, What Hufflepuff Are You?”, I may just millennial* myself all over my apartment. But, lo! What list through yonder tumblr breaks? It is a list of movies to satiate your ennui and make you shout “I’m not alone!” to absolutely no one in particular. Let’s start from the top.

    *millenial - v., to cynically complain and apologize for one’s own generation and personal actions, while also being defensive. Best done with a beer in hand whilst vehemently gesturing at an empty room at twilight.

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    "Frances Ha" - aka "Dances in the Street of Brooklyn for Two Hours"

    Recommended to anyone with a Fine Arts degree or a propension for getting wine drunk at an adult dinner party and then agreeing to visit Paris at a moments notice. Frances reminds us that even the easiest things to get right, like having shelter and a source of income, are so much easier to get wrong.

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    "Obvious Child" - aka "Poop Jokes"

    Jenny Slate’s latest movie about a young woman not ready for a child is heart-wrenchingly relatable to anyone with a dream and an active vagina. The dialogue is especially engaging to those of us who appreciates a solid poop/fart/dirty panties joke (so, all of us).

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    "Drinking Buddies" - aka "Everyone Owns a Record Player and No One Stays Sober For Any Period of Time"

    Let’s take a break from our Brooklyn heroines (Lena Dunham, you zeitgeist-ing goddess). Here are a couple of Chicago goofs, living in the gray area between “friends” and “friends who sleep in a curiously 69-ing fashion on a couch.” I highly recommend having your favorite craft beer (or twelve) on hand before you get settled into this flick. The salivating begins sometime after Jake Johnson is everyman-adorable, but before Olivia Wilde makes a grey t-shirt and converse shoes look downright sensual. Good for you, Olivia. Good for you.

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    "The Graduate" - aka "Simon and Garfunkel’s Greatest Hits"

    Just in case all of us kvetching youngsters think that we’re the first ones to raise our fists to the heavens and yell, “WHY ME?!?!?!” Also, not to spoil a classic movie that was made decades ago, but that last scene? On the bus? When they both just share that moment of realization together but also separately? All of the feels, Buzzfeed. All. Of. The. Feels.

    — 1 month ago with 20 notes
    #frances ha  #drinking buddies  #obvious child  #the graduate  #lists  #millenials  #movies 

    I am ungrateful? You call me ungrateful? My life has been stolen from me. I’m living in a town I have no wish to live in… I’m living a life I have no wish to live… How did this happen?

    The Hours (2002)

    Always. The hours.

    (Source: leias, via feypoehlerlover)

    — 1 month ago with 837 notes
    P.S. I’m a Kristy
Before there were Divergent factions, before there were Hogwarts Houses, before there were Mirandas, Charlottes, Carries, and the slutty ones. Before you were expected to align with glittering vampires or overly-aggressive werewolves - there were babysitters. Hardworking thirteen-year-olds (or eleven-year-olds, if you were a junior member) who just wanted to take care of kids in a way that seemed neither financially nor personally satisfying.
Like us, at least 3/8ths of the members seemed to be from broken homes. Like us, some of the members grew up from areas different than Stoneybrook, CT, “A Great Place To Live,” and furiously adhered to the stereotypes therein. Like us, the club had a gang of girls attempting to thwart their every attempt at a good time with seemingly no motivation at all. 
When reading about the ‘Sitters, or watching their feature-length movie, there was no pressure to align oneself with any character in particular. There were no house colors to knit into a brilliant scarf, or “team” to loudly vocalize one’s allegiances to. But it seemed almost natural to associate with one or more of the girls at any time. Were you timid and thoughtful, like Mary Anne? Or perhaps you were a shopaholic/diabetic like Stacey. Did you aspire to Kristy’s plucky, can-do spirit? Or did you want to burn her seemingly endless supply of overall shorts and backwards baseball caps. How many verses did your heart sing when Claudia (aka “Claud”) passed her summer science class because of the rap song the gang performed for her to remember at her test (“the brain, the brain, the center of the chain!”)? To ignore the similarities of one’s own life to these role models, was to ignore one’s own humanity.
Sure, the club had it’s ups and downs. There was boy trouble - both foreign and domestic. There were difficult clients (read: children barely a year their minor) and there were fathers who reappeared after years of abandonment, without notice in the condition of secrecy, only to abandon their kid on their kid’s birthday, in the rain, at a terrifying carnival (read: deadbeats). But in the end, there was always friendship. A hug, a smile, and a slice of pizza - with extra anchovies, the way your sexpot dad remembers you like it. And that’s a kind of club it pays to be a part of.

    P.S. I’m a Kristy

    Before there were Divergent factions, before there were Hogwarts Houses, before there were Mirandas, Charlottes, Carries, and the slutty ones. Before you were expected to align with glittering vampires or overly-aggressive werewolves - there were babysitters. Hardworking thirteen-year-olds (or eleven-year-olds, if you were a junior member) who just wanted to take care of kids in a way that seemed neither financially nor personally satisfying.

    Like us, at least 3/8ths of the members seemed to be from broken homes. Like us, some of the members grew up from areas different than Stoneybrook, CT, “A Great Place To Live,” and furiously adhered to the stereotypes therein. Like us, the club had a gang of girls attempting to thwart their every attempt at a good time with seemingly no motivation at all

    When reading about the ‘Sitters, or watching their feature-length movie, there was no pressure to align oneself with any character in particular. There were no house colors to knit into a brilliant scarf, or “team” to loudly vocalize one’s allegiances to. But it seemed almost natural to associate with one or more of the girls at any time. Were you timid and thoughtful, like Mary Anne? Or perhaps you were a shopaholic/diabetic like Stacey. Did you aspire to Kristy’s plucky, can-do spirit? Or did you want to burn her seemingly endless supply of overall shorts and backwards baseball caps. How many verses did your heart sing when Claudia (aka “Claud”) passed her summer science class because of the rap song the gang performed for her to remember at her test (“the brain, the brain, the center of the chain!”)? To ignore the similarities of one’s own life to these role models, was to ignore one’s own humanity.

    Sure, the club had it’s ups and downs. There was boy trouble - both foreign and domestic. There were difficult clients (read: children barely a year their minor) and there were fathers who reappeared after years of abandonment, without notice in the condition of secrecy, only to abandon their kid on their kid’s birthday, in the rain, at a terrifying carnival (read: deadbeats). But in the end, there was always friendship. A hug, a smile, and a slice of pizza - with extra anchovies, the way your sexpot dad remembers you like it. And that’s a kind of club it pays to be a part of.

    — 1 month ago
    #baby sitters club  #divergent  #harry potter  #twilight  #sex and the city  #stoneybrook  #anchovies